I'm alive but who knows how much longer I've got. the odds are against my longevity. but I dare. being 50 years old is insane. everything comes to light and you spend a great deal of time realizing, with finality, how stupid you've really been. and there's so little time. I love better. Pure. I didn't plan on the proximity of my understanding and the half century mark, but they have intersected. it's a gift and a curse and sometimes nothing could be worse but I like being here. I hope to be here a little later. let's be realistic. tanks for the mammaries.